Oooh! Thanks, so much for all your nice notes and questions! As some of you know, I was able to answer most in a simple sentence. Some I forwarded to experts-in-their-field. Some were answered, plain and simple, with "What’s best for YOU!?"
Janet (one of my summer brides) and I were yakkin’ and got on the subject of changing her name after her wedding. She asked for (drum roll, please) a P-POO. If you read the leader to "Notes From Anna", you know a P-POO is a Picky Person’s Opinion/Observation. And I’m ALways good for one of those.
Hmmmm…first, Janet, how do YOU feel? Second, how does your FIANCÃ‰ feel? If he says, "It’s up to you, honey," he gets points. If he speaks his mind honestly, he also gets points. Call them "Love Points". If your opinions differ, yours trumps his. If he protests, that’s minus points. This is one of those pre-marriage trials where you learn about negotiating and problem solving. But, this is an easy one, because whatever your decision, it’s just paperwork.
Problem solving…I try not to get involved…do not! Do NOT!! But, I had a bride, Gina, years ago who wanted to release doves at her wedding. Her fiance’ balked. This went on for a few days, and I just told her it’s impossible to say anything to convince the non-believers. She REALLY wanted the doves…he REALLY didn’t. So, I just went about my business of flying to Las Vegas for my brother’s wedding. I got a call two days later. Fiance’ had relented, I flew back early, and did Gina’s wedding. It was lovely.
Two weeks later, I got a message on my machine. It was the groom. Among other accolades regarding the doves, he exclaimed, "It was absolutely specTACular!" Another believer. I don’t know what Gina did/said to convince him, but I think it was really considerate that she didn’t just go ahead without his consent. Not that she needed it, but it’s nice to be in agreement on things. I’ve always said, the true test of a relationship is planning a wedding.
So, anyway, Janet wanted to know if I changed my name. No. I never carried the, "I am woman, hear me roar!" banner, but I’ve just sort of always felt a woman changing her name–originating in the olden days–was (Personal Opinion Alert!) about becoming her husband’s property. Now, I guess it’s different if you plan to have children, but still, not necessary. Hyphenated names? I think that’s kind of cumbersome (besides, when Ben Hiatt spoke of "three-named women", we ALL knew what he meant), and if both your names are really long, that’s alot of ink you’d be saving over the course of your lifetime. Then what happens when your three-named child marries a three-named child?
Now, the serious conversation is about whether or not to bring children into the world. If one or the other of you isn’t sure, and one or the other of you thinks you can change his/her mind after the wedding, think again. I don’t need to illustrate what a fiasco THAT could be. Especially if one or the other of you "accidentally" becomes with child. That’s NOT a thing that can be undone. Just be honest. If you REALLY want babies and s/he really DOESn’t want babies, you have to be honest with yourself. Otherwise, that’s like opening up a whole industrial sized can of resentment, AND cutting your finger on the lid. And it’s rusty.
Honesty. It’s what it all boils down to. How honest can you be with your intended? Be honest with yourSELF!
The Dove Lady has no secrets from her husband, and will take her his name after he passes probation.